How to deal with difficult people
Whether you work with them, socialize
with them or interact with them only once in a while, chances are there's someone
in your life who you find difficult to deal with. How do you cope without getting
stressed out or feeling stomped on?
Maintain perspective
In many cases, the person doesn't
mean to be difficult. Sometimes reminding yourself of that can help you keep
your temper in check. The truth is, you'll probably find that it's easier to
change yourself than to change the other person. It helps to remind yourself
that it's their shortcoming, not yours.
On the other hand, consider whether
some of your own personality quirks may be creating a challenge, either for
that person or someone else. Acknowledging that we're not perfect helps us to
be a little more forgiving of others.
Then, develop some coping strategies
to help you deal with the annoying behaviour. Here are a few examples and ideas.
The One-Upper
You know this person: Everything you
can do, they can do, or have done already, or will do — only better.
Knowing that you will never, ever
win a contest with the One-Upper, it's best not to engage. Mentally note when
the one-upmanship contest begins, smile and congratulate them on their accomplishments,
and move the conversation along.
The Whiner
This personality type has many variations,
but is characterized by complaining and negativity.
Misery may crave company, but resist
the temptation to join them. Seeing the humorous side of things can help to
defuse the situation with The Whiner by giving you some objectivity and distance.
A light-hearted approach can also make it easier to let their gloom slide over
you and maybe even cheer them up in the process!
The Bully
This person may be a friend who always
takes charge of the situation, a relative who is nasty or a boss or a colleague
who belittles your work and ideas. In some cases, you can let the bullying slide,
but if the person's behaviour is jeopardizing your career, or is disrespectful
or damaging to you, you'll need to take action to resolve the situation.
This may include sitting down and
discussing your feelings with the person, writing them a letter, or taking action
in your workplace. Before you do anything, consider what the possible outcomes
will be, and decide on the best approach based on the level of seriousness and
your confidence in your workplace to resolve the issue. A simple comment may
be all that's needed to make the person aware of his/her behaviour. Or, you
may need to take more formal action.
Document the specific examples and
the dates when they occur so you have an objective record, and talk to a close
friend before you do anything. If both of you think that action is required,
consider whether you should approach the guilty party, your boss or your HR
department. If your company has an employee assistance program, you might start
there for advice.
It may help to remind yourself that
if you are finding the person difficult, chances are others are too.
It's also important to keep in mind
that while these strategies may not work in every difficult situation, you're
a better person for giving it your best shot.